Briana’s Blog of Madness

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Current mood: aggravated
Category: Life

It really irks me that there are so many people in this country that can’t or won’t speak the language. Now, I’m not talking about some foreigner that’s been in the country for 2 weeks and can’t speak English very well yet. I’m talking about people who willingly and purposefully destroy the English language because they think its cool.

Major example: Ebonics. This has got to be one of the worst things thats happened to the English language since |33t. (And if you can read that word, you know exactly what Im talking about.) Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t have any issue with black people. I hate everyone with equal vigor. It’s nothing personal. What I hate is people who think that the marring of our countrys language makes them somehow more distinct and cooler than the rest of us. It doesn’t. It makes you sound like a total fu(k!ng moron. I mean, do people ever stop to think about the way they sound? And the only thing that sounds more ignorant than a black person using Ebonics, is a white person using Ebonics. That is truly pathetic. Someone who is so embarrassed by their own race that they will sound like an uneducated buffoon in an attempt to fit in and be cool. Give me a break.

No matter who you are, or where youre from, there is no such thing as a “hizouse”, and saying things like “I’m gonna take muh boo out in muh hooptie an get some dome” just makes you sound like a total idiot. People can not really be that stupid, can they? Intelligent people do not use this kind of language. Intelligent people are usually appalled by this kind of language. Is it really so hard to speak like you have a brain? Is it really so uncool to use the language as it was intended, and not make up nonsense words and basically create a whole nonsense language?

And don’t even get me started on leet speak. 1 ¥0µ (4|..| ®34Ð 7|-|1$, ¥0µ ®34££¥ |..|33Ð 70 937 £41Ð. Enough said. (And just for the record, I can’t write leet, I had to Google that.)

Basic point of this rant: You have a brain. Try to sound like you have a brain. Stay in school, don’t ditch your English classes. And if you’re out there gritting your teeth daily because a friend or family member uses Ebonics or Leet: Buy them a book. Convince them to help you with your English homework. Refuse to talk to them unless they speak coherent English. Or if you’re really mean, mock them incessantly until they finally get a fu(k!ng clue.

Current mood: distressed
Category: Life

I am getting completely sick and tired of the complete slimeballs that go around Yahoo trolling for women, and randomly message them with perverse crap. My blocklist is about as long as your arm because of ‘em. Don’t you people have anything better to do? Is messaging women you don’t even know with poorly spelled, moronic, sick bull$s!t the only way you can get a woman to pay attention to you? And as if the filth wasn’t bad enough, then you have the ones asking $h!t like “Can I be your personal toilet?” WHAT??? Oh he|| no! If you are so pathetic that you want to be pi$$ed on, sh@t on, abused and humiliated, do yourself a favor and either get therapy, or go off yourself and save the world some hassle.

I think the only thing that could be worse than these useless perverts, is the women that actually respond to them. If you’re a woman, and you cyber, or do whatever else it is these guys want… If you have such low self esteem that you can only feel like you’re woth something if you’re getting boned virtually or in real life by every freak and loser that comes along… If you are so low that you will entertain these morons, again… get therapy, or off yourself and make the world a better place.

I remember a time when having my IM on was good. When the only people that messaged me were friends, or people who wanted to have an actual conversation about an intelligent topic. Now I have to deal with these perverts sending me messages, insulting me, and just plain wasting my time. And I’m not the only one. I think most attractive females who have a picture on their profile have gotten at least one of these creeps. If you really feel the need to be a sick fu(k and bother someone, at least make it worthwhile, and dial a 1-900 number. They need the money, and they’re a targeted audience. Leave the rest of us alone. As Foamy would say: “Go jack off in a porno mag. I hope you get papercuts on your b@lls and they fall off.”

Current mood: crappy
Category: Fashion, Style, Shopping

Someone needs to go back in time and shoot Twiggy.

I am sick and tired of seeing all these pencil-thin, no hips, no boobs, no a$$ chicks parading around the streets and bars like they’re hot $h!t. It’s nauseating. What’s worse is the a$$holes out there that go out of their way to make women who have an actual figure feel bad. I had some d!ckw@d on Yahoo message me with the following:
“you need to lose weight”
“jeez”

What??? I weigh 117 pounds for $h!t sake. How thin am I supposed to get?? Hell, in most of the pics I have in my profile, I WAS thinner. I was a sickly 98 pounds in one of them. And this j@ckoff thinks I need to lose weight? $crew you. I’m 36-26-38, (at 5′ 2″) and happy. You don’t like it? Then go jack off to some mag full of walking coat-rack looking bimbos with fake t!ts and leave me alone.

Whatever happened to the days of Marilyn Monroe and Bettie Page, when women had curves and men drooled over them? Girls and women all over the world are becoming anerexic, bullemic, and have lower than $h!t self-esteem because of what magazines and TV say is beautiful. I’m sorry, Shalom Harlowe and Callista Flockhart are not sexy. They’re swizzle sticks with eyes. If you can’t fill out a B cup without surgery, EAT SOMETHING!! If your hips are so narrow that your pelvic bones are what hold your pants up, EAT SOMETHING! Yup, I said it, the evil “E” word. EAT. Food is good. And no-fat, no-sodium, low-carb crackers and water do NOT count as food.

Now there’s a line between having curves and getting fat. Don’t go there. Eat healthy, stay active, but get some fu(k!ng meat on your bones! $crew what the fashion mags and TV shows say is sexy. You need to be able to look in the mirror and be happy with what you see, and not look at yourself through the eyes of the media. Does your guy (or girl) think you’re sexy? If he does, great! If he doesn’t, ditch his a$$ and find someone who will love you, cushy a$$ and all. You don’t need “perfect” breasts, “perfect” abs, and a soaking-wet weight of 90 to be hot. Sexy is a state of mind, not a dress size. You can be a knockout in a size 5 or a size 16.

Now, you’re probably thinking, “there’s nothing I can do about the way the world thinks.” Sure there is. Stop buying fashion mags. Ignore idiots who tell you you’re not beautiful because your hips are wider than your waist. Help other weight-obsessed people you know realize that they can be happy without being a stick. Show your man (woman) how good those curves feel as opposed to skin and bones.

Thin may be “in”, but it’s not healthy, it’s not sexy and it’s not cool. Eat a hamburger. Be happy with that size 10 dress. Be proud of every inch and every curve you’ve got. Fu(k what the world thinks.